How to Explain Autism to Kids
Now that you’ve received the news that your child has an autistic spectrum disorder (ASD) diagnosis, you’re wondering if and how to tell them. Every instinct in your body is telling you to shield your child from harm for as long as possible, and you’re left wondering which is the greater harm — telling them or not telling them?
Maybe you’re afraid that if your child knows that they have an ASD diagnosis, they’ll feel like they are somehow different from other kids or that they are less worthy of all the great things life has to offer. You might worry that your child isn’t able to understand what autism is and will only end up confused and frustrated. What if they interpret the diagnosis as limiting them in ways that they can’t overcome? Will they become angry or depressed? If you don’t tell them, are you actually sending a message that autism is something to deny and hide out of shame or embarrassment?
This article is written for parents just like you who are facing the dilemma of if and how to explain autism to kids. This article also explores whether and to what extent you should tell others about your child’s autism, and where you can find guidance as you and your family navigate the challenges that follow an autism diagnosis.
Why Is Talking to Children About Autism Important?
Before we explore the issue of how to tell your child they have autism, it’s important to understand why talking to them about their autism diagnosis is important. The most compelling reason to tell your child of their autism spectrum disorder diagnosis is quite simply this — if you don’t tell them yourself, someone else will.
If your child is receiving special services or involved in any programs specifically geared toward autistic children, chances are high that someone is going to mention their autism diagnosis or they’re going to figure it out themself. Finding out about their diagnosis from someone other than a parent or caregiver could engender feelings of betrayal in your child as they’ll wonder why you were keeping such important information from them.
If you withhold this type of information from your child, they could conclude that you’re trying to hide their diagnosis because you’re ashamed of them or embarrassed that they are autistic. This would likely, in turn, cause your child to develop their own feelings of shame about being autistic.
Kids are a lot more observant and intuitive than we often give them credit for. Your child has already picked up on cues that something about them is different from other kids. Telling your child that they are autistic — as long as it's done at the right time and in the right way — can provide a great sense of relief. You’ll be validating their own reality and perceptions while also letting them know that they are whole and good and capable, autistic or not. Once a child knows they are autistic, they can start developing the self-knowledge they’ll need to become self-accepting. This will go a long way in lifting their self-esteem and helping them become their own advocates as they learn to navigate the world and its wonders through the lens of their unique, beautiful, and complicated minds.
When Should You Talk to Your Child About Their Autism Diagnosis?
Even if you accept that telling your child about their autism is the right thing to do, the question of when they should be informed must also be addressed. And the answer is, it depends on the child.
Everyone is different, and how much your child is able to understand and cope with their autism diagnosis will depend on their social awareness and personality. In younger children, look for cues that they’ve begun to perceive that something is amiss. Have they started noticing that they are different from other kids? If you’ve been taking them to different specialists for checkups and evaluations, have they asked you if there is something wrong with them? These are all signs that it’s time to discuss their autism and what it means.
How to Explain Autism to An Autistic Child
Explaining autism to an autistic child doesn’t have to be traumatic. Begin by introducing the topic in a positive manner.
Normalize the Discussion Around People’s Differences
You don’t have to jump into a formal discussion right away. Instead, start by mentioning from time to time how wonderfully different people can be. You might point out family members who have different eye or hair colors and how nice it is to have blue or brown or green eyes or black or blonde hair. Talk about how their siblings and friends have different abilities and interests and how that doesn’t make one person better than another.
For instance, maybe your child is good at playing music, and another child they know is better at playing sports. As you point out the interesting, quirky, and unique characteristics of each family member or close family friend, invite your child to celebrate these contrasts with you as they join you in acknowledging that differences are what make people and the world interesting.
Introduce Autism as Just Another Interesting Difference
After setting the stage by acknowledging and embracing differences, it's much easier to talk about how having an autism diagnosis is just another unique and interesting quality a person has. Let your child know, in terms that they can understand, that neurodivergence is a perfectly acceptable way of being. And like everything else in life, it presents benefits and challenges. If your child is old enough to read, there are books on autism written from the perspective of autistic children that might be helpful. A behavioral health expert who focuses on working with autistic children might be able to recommend some age-appropriate materials for your child.
Accept Your Child’s Reaction, Whatever It Is
Depending on your child’s age and level of understanding — and recognizing that they may have already heard the word “autism” and framed some negative connotations around the word — their reaction could be anywhere from indifference to shock to denial to relief. Whatever the reaction, accept their feelings and let them know that there is no right or wrong way to feel.
They might ask questions about how or why they have autism and whether it will go away at some point. Be sure to let them know that autism is something they are born with while reinforcing the fact that being autistic doesn’t make them any less lovable, capable, or smart. You can also take the opportunity, where appropriate, to emphasize some of the positive attributes that come with being autistic, such as being good, focused learners, having high levels of creativity, being honest and direct, and passionately embracing their interests.
Trust Your Own Instincts
Nobody knows your child better than you do, so feel confident in discussing as much or as little with them as you consider best taking into account their age, temperament, and ability to understand.
Who Else Needs to Know About Your Child’s Autism Diagnosis?
You’ll also have to decide who else you should tell about your child’s autistic diagnosis. Many experts advise leaving who to tell and when to tell them in the child’s control as much as possible.
Of course, grandparents, teachers, counselors, and other adults who regularly interact with your child should be told, but you might want to ask that they refrain from telling others or talking about autism when referring to your child. If a situation arises where it’s necessary to address a certain behavior to a third party, you might say something like, “My grandchild isn’t great at making eye contact, but that doesn’t mean they’re not paying attention,” or, “Please don’t think my student is intentionally being rude, they just don’t always notice the more subtle signals people give out.”
How The Caring Professionals At Autism Specialty Group Can Help
An autism diagnosis isn’t something you and your child have to deal with alone. The caring professionals at Autism Specialty Group are ready to stand by your side to help you navigate the challenges that come with having an autistic child, including how to tell them and others about the diagnosis.
Autism Specialty Group’s professionals are trained in evidence-based ABA Therapy methods that are designed to help autistic children improve their social skills, focus and concentrate better, engage at a higher level, and decrease behaviors that are causing them problems. To learn more, contact us today.