How Do You Discipline a Child with Autism Spectrum Disorder?
If you are a parent or caregiver of an autistic child, the issue of how to lovingly discipline them has invariably come up. All children need guidance and boundaries, but the last thing you want to do is miscommunicate with your child and end up upsetting them, confusing them, or even frightening them.
So how do you discipline a child with autism spectrum disorder without creating more problems than you’re actually solving? This article attempts to answer that question by providing some insights into your autistic child’s behaviors and offering some tips and strategies to consider as you learn how best to communicate with your child about their behavior.
Understanding Your Autistic Child’s World
As someone who cares for an autistic child, you already know that they experience the world in a way that can be hard for neurotypical people to understand. And sometimes, this can result in behaviors that are considered unacceptable by society or even present a danger to themselves or others. The types of behaviors that can cause issues include:
Self-stimulating behaviors like rocking or hand-flapping
Outbursts of yelling or screaming for no apparent reason
Banging their heads on a wall or the floor
Repeatedly hitting themselves
Biting their fingers or hands
Turning away from people and refusing to make eye contact
Acting aggressively towards others by biting or hitting them
As a parent, it can be challenging to pause your initial reaction of fear, frustration, or even embarrassment and consider the world from your child’s perspective. But it’s important to try your hardest to adopt that perspective. Many of these behaviors are self-soothing. Others are due to a lack of impulse control or the inability to understand consequences. And still others are to avoid something that is unpleasant or frightening to your autistic child.
When your child acts in a way you find disagreeable or potentially dangerous, trying to discipline them through spanking, shaming, or social isolation (time out) can be counterproductive and even harmful. Discipline only succeeds if the child receiving the correction is able to understand ahead of time that the behavior they are choosing to engage in is wrong and they have the ability to control their actions. If the behavior is not the result of choice, punishments are exercises in futility. Fortunately, there are ways to help your autistic child adopt more acceptable behaviors, starting with approaching discipline from a place of understanding and acceptance.
Disciplining An Autistic Child Through Understanding
You know your child better than anyone. If you watch for their clues, you can learn to communicate what is acceptable and what is unacceptable behavior to your autistic child in a way that makes sense to them.
There are calming strategies for autism spectrum disorder that can be effective and ways of setting boundaries with autistic children that will make sense to them.
Stop Sweating the Small Stuff
First off, pick your battles. Many behaviors that autistic children regularly engage in — like hand-flapping or rocking — are harmless. If your child is doing something that feels right to them and it doesn’t interfere with anyone in the family’s overall quality of life, accept that this is what makes your autistic child feel safe or grounded and let it go. Better yet, engage in the behavior with them and let them know that it is perfectly acceptable for them to participate in this kind of self-care.
Practice Acceptance While Putting Safety First
Of course, it is your responsibility as a parent or caregiver to make sure your child isn’t endangering themself or others. If you find that your child’s behavior is escalating to a situation that could be dangerous, address the issue from an environmental perspective rather than trying to modify out-of-control behavior during an emotional eruption.
For example, if your child is having a meltdown, make sure there is nothing in their immediate vicinity that can cause them harm. If others appear to be caught in the path of a tantrum, you will need to physically move your child to a safe place or, if possible, create a safe zone around your child until the situation resolves itself. Keep in mind that meltdowns don’t last forever; your child simply can’t help the fact that their emotions are getting the better of them. Know that you both will come out the other side of it, and all will be well again.
Create a Comfortable Child-Friendly Environment
There’s an old saying: an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. When it comes to an autistic child’s environment, this is certainly true. You can help your child maintain more regulated behavior patterns by providing them with a comfortable and stress-free environment.
See that they have an area all their own that is a safe haven. Be sure to provide toys and other items that they like and can relate to. At the same time, do your best to keep them out of environments — like crowded playgrounds or noisy public places — that will cause unnecessary distress. And when you do have to venture out of their safe haven, take a favorite item along that you know will help them stay grounded and feel safe.
Be Clear and Consistent
Subtle language is lost on autistic children. The best rule to follow is to say what you mean and mean what you say. Don’t depend on an autistic child’s ability to pick up on body language or anything nuanced. Be clear and consistent, always.
Practice How to Teach An Autistic Child “No” By Offering a “Yes”
Negative reinforcement rarely works with autistic children. Couching directives in the positive is much more effective than pointing out the negative. So, for example, instead of telling your child to stop taking their sister’s toy, invite them instead to play with their own toy as you divert their attention to a toy they like. In this way, you’re replacing the negativity of telling them not to do something with the much more positive invitation to do something else. And be sure to provide plenty of positive reinforcement by praising their adapted behavior.
Try to make reinforcing positive “yes” behavior a regular part of your communications cadence. Every time your child behaves in a situation that you know could be stressful for them, lavish them with praise. Even if they don’t handle a situation perfectly, but you know they are trying, let them know that you notice how hard they are trying and how proud you are of them for making the effort.
Practice Predictability
Having consistent routines they can count on is important to many autistic kids. To the extent possible, create a predictable schedule and stick to it. In situations where the routine is disrupted, understand that this may cause your child distress and, whenever possible, plan ahead for ways to cope with that distress. You can do this by practicing breathing exercises with your child or simply encouraging them in times of stress to ask for help.
Find What Works For Your Child With Autism Specialty Group
Of course, not every approach works the same for every child. At Autism Specialty Group, our sole focus is on helping autistic children become the best versions of themselves. Our approach is centered around treating children with Autism through Applied Behavior Analysis (ABA).
We begin with Functional Assessments of Behavior (FAB), where we collect information about a behavior and the events before and after it occurs. This information gives us the reason why a behavior occurs and allows us to create a treatment strategy and develop a unique Behavior Intervention Plan (BIP) for your child.
To learn more about how Autism Specialty Group can help your autistic child through ABA therapy, call us at (305) 767-1924.
References:
https://www.verywellfamily.com/discipline-strategies-for-children-with-autism-4005045
https://www.discovercampworth.com/blog/how-to-set-boundaries-with-your-autistic-child/